YTNNRDY

It has been quite the absence, and quite a bit has happened in the past two months. I talked to Jenn pretty regularly during most of that, so I'm sure she'll keep me honest and point out if I missed anything truly significant.

I was gone for no good reason, really, other than I was in a deep funk and had to dig out. I was solidly entrenched in anger phase for a while--I picked a fight with Tom one morning on the car, complete with floorboard stomping, because he had the audacity to pay me a compliment! How dare he! I'm coming back to grips, still dealing with issues, but it'll get better. March 2 was Dad's birthday (and Todd's, too) and that was much harder than I expected it to be.

My son is now addicted to Blue's Clues (preferably the episodes with Steve). I can't check the mail without singing. He asks for it as soon as he wakes up, as soon as we pick him up from daycare, and as soon as he walks in the door. He has begun to incorporate the dance moves during the songs and can now perform Jazz Hands! He also cleans up his toys before bed, although we have fights every night about bedtime. Namely he doesn't want to go. I long for the days when he would pick up his blanket, say night-night, and try to climb into his crib at night. Oh, well.

I have a new car. Instead of renewing the tags on the 2000 Olds I'd been driving, I bit the bullet and got a great deal on my first new car ever--a 2007 Toyota Prius. I'm getting 48 MPG on my 85 mile commute now, and feel better about not contributing to the brown cloud that hovers over Phoenix. It's a sweet ride, once one gets past the feeling that the engine has stalled when transferring to the electric motor.

Home improvement news--had the old, non-sliding glass door removed and replaced with french doors, which make a big difference! They have the blinds inside the door, between the panes, so no more dusting, and despite having less surface glass than the sliding doors, they somehow make the room seem brighter. My only regret is I didn't have it done sooner.

Let's see, what else? There's something big that I'm missing, but since I quit smoking my brain has turned to mush. I just don't know what it could be? I'm sure Jenn will remind me.

Five Fragen Questions

Oh, Jenn, thinking I would go a full two months! I'm not that bad, although it has been a dry spell. I'll post some quick hits about the past two months in a bit. First, I'll address the questions that Suze asked of me:

1. What the most unusual thing about your hometown of [tiny town] KY? Well, Suze and I are from the same area, but I lived out in the county from the main town. This town had a population of 250 people while I lived there.

That's right. 250 people.

I lived next door to one of the descendants of the town's founders--it came into existence as a depot on the old passenger route during the days of the steam engine. I lived there for 12 years, counting my time home from college, before moving out West. I can't isolate anything particularly unusual from anything else in the town--I'd say the town itself was highly unusual.

When I lived there in the mid to late 1980s, one could still go to the general store on Main Street and buy penny and nickel candy from glass canisters by the register. The bank had a giant vault that was opened each morning and locked every night and was never robbed. A grate covered the vault opening during business hours while the vault door itself rested against the wall. The post office was run by one person, who also sorted and delivered all the mail, and there was never a line for service. There was one funeral home and five churches. And there was Mabel.

Old Mabel--Mabel Ganz was her name, and she was almost as old as the town. Everyone was against her, as Mabel told everyone, and she lived in an old house on 32 that was falling down around her. She had no family that I can recall, and she walked all over town with a huge limb as a walking stick. She kept her hair tied back in a bandanna, wore long sleeved henleys and old dungarees, and walked right down the middle of the road as she pleased, where ever she went. She never left the town, and didn't even own a car. She got all her groceries from the general store, but I don't know what she did for clothes or other items. She went to every City Council meeting and loudly disagreed with every suggestion--traffic light, police officer, sewer system--didn't matter what was proposed, she opposed it while claiming corruption by the town government. Mabel didn't like much of anything or anyone but for some reason she liked my family. She came to visit every so often when she felt like hiking up the hill. She was an interesting yet annoying woman, I confess.

When Mabel's house was eventually condemned by the county, the town built her a new house. I always found it interesting that a town that didn't like her found the funds to build her a new house right where her old house stood, and I think Mabel was surprised, too. She still hiked all over town and went to the City Council meetings, but kept her grumblings to a minimum after that.

2. What's the geekiest thing you've said or done in the last 24 hours? Yesterday my team went to a place called Jillians' to blow off steam--lots of video games, skeeball, and bowling. I wore my old bowling shirt from TC that Jenn might recall, and I bowled a 68. In my defense, I only bowled one game and the beer didn't have a chance to kick in before I had to go pick up the boys and head home. I scored a 50000 playing Galaga, beat my boss in a driving game (I made him spin out in the last seconds), and did fairly well blowing away bad guys in a handgun shooter game. So well that one of my coworkers watched in awe and proclaimed he would never, ever piss me off. Not bad for a chick who's never handled a gun.

3. Where's the most exotic place you've traveled? Hmm. When I think of exotic, I think of palm trees, tropical climate, and sandy beaches, but I've never been out of the country. The closest I've come to any place truly alien was my first visit to Las Vegas; Tom and I went on the spur of the moment on a Friday night when we had a long weekend and arrived at 11pm after driving about 5 hours. I didn't know about the lax liquor laws and was shocked to see people walking down the street with open beer bottles. We went to Fremont Street and I bought a bong-size margarita for a dollar before going into Binion's Horseshoe and quickly losing $20 playing BlackJack.

I love Las Vegas!

4. Name 3 guilty pleasures you have. First would be a good glass of wine with a good steak. Second, watching all the home flipping shows on TLC like Flip That House and Moving Up. I'm convinced I could successfully flip a house because I'm not a moron like the people they always seem to find and I might be right--keep in mind that I also convince myself I could run a restaurant after watching a Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares marathon on BBCAmerica. Third? Hmm...I guess jelly beans, since I quit smoking.

5. If you found yourself sitting next to your favorite celebrity on an airplane, what's the first thing you would say to him/her? "Are you using that armrest?"

Six Weird Things About Me

I guess it's time I got around to my turn. The hardest part is just trying to keep things limited to six, but I'll do my best:

1. Caffeine is not a stimulant for me. I don't know if it's because of the ADD, but I can ingest a lot of caffeine and have no issues with sleeping. I remember in college we'd hang at the Suburban late at night and I'd drink half a pot of coffee and drop off to sleep at 3am without any issues. I drink a lot of caffeine at work because it keeps me focused on work instead of the typical scatter-brained bouncing I normally do. I've been using insane amounts of Diet Pepsi to stay engaged at work, but it's not enough anymore. I'm tempted to try Red Bull and see if it helps me break through my procrastination (although I have been unusually productive this week at work and don't have anything hanging over my head for the weekend. Woohoo!).
2. I have a semi-photographic memory (I say semi- because I remember nearly everything I see but find I forget some details as I get older). In some ways this is great, since when I'm looking for something around the house, I can picture exactly what was around it the last time I saw it. Problem is, I may picture CJ's bear on the bathroom counter next to his hairbrush, but not know which bathroom. This serves me well at work since I usually take the minutes for our project meetings--I have extraordinary recall of our decisions and findings from weeks earlier since seeing them in print cements them in my memory.
3. My brain is packed with absolutely worthless knowledge. I won't even call it trivia, since this junk isn't important enough to be trivia. A recent example--two nights ago Tom and I were watching an installment of I Love the 70s on VH-1 and they did a segment on Mr. Whipple and the Charmin commercials. I instantly remembered (and shared with Tom) that Jennifer Wilson, who played Larry's love interest and eventual wife on the later seasons of Perfect Strangers, was Mr. Whipple's real-life daughter. Why, I may ask you, do I know that? Why would it ever be important? That will never be a Final Jeopardy question. I'm a smart cookie, I could cure cancer or balance the national budget, but I never will because I have this type of crap staining my cerebellum. (And go ahead, look it up on Google or iMDB--you know you want to. Unfortunately, I'm totally right.)
4. I am obsessed with license plates. I associate the randomly generated plate numbers with patterns, forming words or relating them to phone numbers (for Illinois plates) or look for mathematical connections in the numbers. I must figure out any vanity plate I see. This time of year with the snowbirds around I see all sorts of states, and I get excited way beyond reason when I see a plate from Canada or Alaska. I once spent part of a drive home trying to factor in my head the number of permutations for AZ plates--not just the regular plates, but also the numbering conventions for the special veterans plates, historic vehicle plates, and other special issues. I might have done it, too, except I got hung up on the ones that would have to be thrown out for obscenity. Tom asked why I was so deep in thought, and I told him what I was thinking about and how many plates I had figured, and he was silent for a good two minutes before saying simply, "You're weird." So it makes this list.
5. At work, when I go to the bathroom, I always go to the same stall even though the toilet paper holder has too much tension on the roll and I'm always frustrated that I have to rip off one to two squares at a time. After I go, I always try to use the middle sink which has the bad motion sensor and rarely works before I give up and use a different sink to wash my hands. I don't know why I do this. I'm not comfortable in any other stall, and you'd think I'd have learned after almost two years that the middle sink doesn't really work.
6. Each morning when I get ready to leave, I have brush my teeth, apply my deodorant, and brush my hair in a particular order or I will forget a step and go to work with stinky pits or bad breath. I have no idea why. If I try to brush my teeth before I brush my hair, it takes me a bit to retrace and come back to what I need to do. I've always been like that, going back to teenage years. It's good thing I don't wear makeup, or I might never make it out of the bathroom.

You know, reading back through these, I wonder if I got a touch of Mom's OCD? I don't want my hands compulsively, but I do have my routines, my sense of order, and sometimes when I am seized by an idea that excites me I have to follow it until it's done--the weekend I got back from Kentucky, I went to the store and bought baskets and wooden boxes and rearranged my entire entertainment center beside I suddenly had a vision of what it should look like and couldn't rest till the vision became reality. Hmm. Don't think I've ever noticed that before.

Saturday Night

I've had two tall screwdrivers, and have been watching an old Mystery Science Theater 3000 DVD--one of the ones with Mike. I'm not sure I have any with Joel. I've been wanting a drink a lot this week, but have refrained, figuring it wouldn't be a good precedent. But since I have to go back to work on Monday, I thought I would indulge tonight after I got the boy to bed.

Yesterday, I tried to go through some old pictures and stuff from the funeral, but I wasn't ready. This week Tom and I rearranged the living room, and I think we've hit the magic configuration. I've been coloring and playing with CJ a lot, and generally just enjoying him (which is hard to do when he's having an ornery day, but the cuteness makes up for the stubbornness eventually). I've been catching up on Top Chef and Mythbusters and doing lots of word puzzles to keep my mind occupied. I have all these puzzle magazines lying around so I'm trying to finish them off. Some of them have been kicking around since I lived in Tucson and worked second shift and graveyard relief--that was ten years ago, for those keeping track.

Why, yes, I am just a big old nerd.

I talked with Mom last night and she's mulling over the idea of early retirement. Apparently she can buy some service time, enough to meet her 240 months required (she's only about 4 years short in actual service time). She doesn't like her new teacher, a guy right out of college that doesn't seem to understand that she's been working with these kids for almost 20 years, can feed a child and change his diaper, and made most of the contacts to form the community programs and jobs these kids participate in on a daily basis. He's a micromanager to the extreme--so much so that if he were my boss, I would have already told him to bite me, and followed it up with an email containing full, detailed illustrations.

Mom has more patience than me.

Anyway, she would like to go ahead and leave, draw her pension with her benefits paid, and either work at the hospital doing what she does, or freelance--she sometimes works with her kids over the summers and the parents pay her for her time, and at least one family has said they would love it if she could do it full time. I told her not to do anything out of spite, but if the financial aspect allows her make her bills, follow her heart. I think it hurts her now that Wilma has retired and many of her peers are rather new--they view their jobs as just jobs, while Mom has always felt it as more of a calling.

That's about it for now. It's 11 on Saturday night and I'm an old, big dork who's up way past her bedtime.

Slowly Returning to Normal

I've been back in AZ for a few days, but haven't had a moment to log on and post about last week. I figure this time is as good as any, and talking about things has been pretty good in terms of getting a bit better.

As I posted before I left, the service for Dad was last Tuesday, with the military ceremony at Camp Nelson outside of Nicholasville. I thought the service was rather nice, and I was glad to see Tooz there, as well as people I hadn't seen in years. Our old neighbors from Sadieville from almost 20 years ago came--they saw the obituary in the paper. The hospice chaplain, Gary, told us a few times he wished he'd had the chance to meet Dad during the good times--in his line of work, that doesn't really happen. After the service, Dad received a 21-gun salute at Camp Nelson, and since I've never been near a gun when fired, I almost wet myself at the first volley. Mandi was there, and she grabbed me and held me for the rest. Somehow, we got through the day. Mom wanted to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening alone, and Jamie and John called us that night to have dinner. Jamie and I had a couple shots for Dad and talked about the day. We agreed that while people meant well, and it's a social convention, asking us, "How are you?" at our Dad's funeral wasn't the best idea. Jamie had to hide to fight the urge to punch the next person who asked her. Me, I watched people ask me, then realize what they had asked, and I had to fight the urge to laugh as they struggled with wanting to take it back. Completely irrational, we know, but it was so difficult and our nerves so raw it was really hard to predict how we were going to behave.

We spent most of the week with Mom, Jamie, Todd, and Erin, in various combinations, as we just needed to be together. I felt badly for Tom since he was trying to be so strong for me, but it's only been a year since he lost his father, and he really liked Dad. I helped Mom with the finances, attempting to get her on track with the changes, and helped Jamie move into her new place in town. Thursday night, Tooz and David invited us for dinner, but only Christopher and I could go. Tom needed alone time, Mom had plans with a friend who was bringing her meatloaf, and Jamie had to get the kids settled into the new house and their homework done. We had a very nice time at the Plum Tree, Christopher was amazingly cute on his best behavior, and they forgave his newfound curiosities withs straws and styrofoam.

Friday afternoon we left for Phoenix via Lexington, and I'm glad we decided to fly through Lexington instead of Louisville. Tooz, I did call about bereavement fares, but the airlines don't do that anymore. They just guarantee the lowest fare available for the route, which is what I got. Since getting back, the reality of everything is finally sinking in and I'm finding myself puttering around with a lot of nervous energy. I find that I'm impatient on a lot of things (though I'm trying to be more patient with CJ, who's beginning his terrible twos), and I have this driving need to finish making our house a cozy home--something we've been working on since we moved in. This weekend, I went out and got baskets, boxes, new towels, new shower curtains--things I've been putting off for a while, and I've starting nesting with a ferocity I haven't matched since the last trimester of pregnancy.

I tried going to work yesterday--until I dropped Tom off and discovered I had forgotten my laptop. I went back home and logged in from there, but it became obvious to me as I was trying to catch up that I wasn't ready. I talked to my boss, delegated some tasks, and I'm taking the rest of the week off with plans to return on Monday. So far, I've put together a bathroom cabinet, reorganized my entertainment center and living room, filed my taxes (I get my W2s online early), called about my PLUS loan on Mom's urging to have it discharged, and straightened out a few bills. Considering I can be an exceptionally lazy person when I put my mind to it, that's a lot and it's only 1pm. I still have other financial work to do, grocery shopping, a kitchen to clean, bathrooms to clean, straighten, and redress with the new towels and stuff, and CJ's room to clean and reorganize.

What am I going to do tomorrow?

I realize it's a little manic, but since it's an acceptable reaction and it's constructive to my home and my sense of needing something to do, I'm going with it for now. I'm still having my moments, but I have a feeling that will last a while and just when I start to get past them, it will be Dad's birthday, then Father's Day, then their wedding anniversary, then. . . .

I do have to say that Dad's passing really is a blessing, considering what he was going through over the past few years and how quickly he slipped over the past few weeks. Jamie and Mom were stressed out, spending every moment trying to care for him--Jamie while juggling her own family, and Mom while running out of sick days and trying to figure out how to pay bills. I wasn't in the trenches, but I was the sounding board and the mediator, carried a lot of the worry for them, and tried to help when and where I could while regretting I couldn't help more. Dad told me long ago while driving back from Tennessee one break, while I was mourning a broken relationship and trying to figure out where I'd gone wrong, that you can't live a life of regret since that really isn't living. Somehow, you have to pick up and move on. I know he was proud of me and Tom and CJ, and understood that we couldn't visit as often as we would have liked. And I know he wouldn't want me to dwell on missed opportunities and make myself sick--he'd want to me to be there for my son, do my best for the rest of family, and move on. So I'll try. It'll take me a while, but I'll try.

The Suffering Has Ended

My father passed away a few hours ago at home in Kentucky. It was very fast. Appears to be a massive stroke (the one we always knew was on the way).

Jamie and Mom are with him now and will be calling the funeral home soon. The hospice care nurse he likes was there when it happened. We'll be flying out sometime this weekend, but I haven't made any arrangements for tickets yet.

I'm not sure what to say about my father other than I love him dearly and I will miss him. Who he really was was lost some time ago to the ravages of the congestive heart failure, poor circulation, and complications from his diabetes. While I am, of course, upset that he has died, I am largely relieved that any pain, frustration, and indignity is gone now. He knew he wasn't the man he used to be, and that upset him more than the though of dying.

I'm not sure how long I'll be back home. Tooz, I'll likely give you a call at some point to give you information on the service. Since I think just about everyone who reads this knew Dad, I wanted to let you know.

I Did It!

This morning I called and scheduled an appointment to tour the Lifetime Fitness club near me and sign up for membership. I talked to a gentleman named Chris who despite the fact that he heads sales for the club, never went for the hard sell.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment at 1pm for a baseline consultation with a personal trainer. The trainer will help me with an assessment of my goals, the exercises I want to do, and my current physical activity level to develop a basic plan of attack--what exercises and how often. I told Chris that I was looking to lose around 80 pounds total, but that I'm not really looking at the number. I know what I looked like 10 years ago, I know how my clothes should fit, and since I'm looking to do some muscle training, the number wouldn't be relevant anyway. I'm hoping I can get back into fighting shape by this time next year; if I'm dedicated, it's doable. Basically, when New Year's 2008 rolls around, I want to be able to reflect on my accomplishments in meeting my goal rather than sit on the couch and think about joining a gym.

I think I'm really going to like the club. They cap the number of memberships they sell to make sure that members don't have to wait for equipment or trainers. They have a broad assortment of treadmills and low impact machines, as well as a very nice selection of free weight machines, dumbbells, barbells, and other toning equipment. The weight machines are arranged based on target area: go down the row to work all aspects of a particular area, or go across the rows for total body. They have basic yoga, pilate, and aerobic classes included in the membership, basketball courts, and an indoor heated pool and sauna. There's also an outdoor pool scheduled to open shortly after some pump and heating issues are resolved. The pool has operating hours, but the rest of the gym is open 24/7. There's also a child center where I can table CJ if I need too, and he can get swim lessons there (along with me). They also have a full service spa and cafe attached and wifi internet access. A bit hard core for me, but I saw a few people in the cafe on their laptops, and wondered if they were working in between workouts.

The thing I liked the best was that they seemed to have a very diverse clientele. I was afraid that the place would look like a Bally's commercial, filled with hard bodied women wearing only sports bras and hot pants--the kind of women I could only work out near if I slit my wrists and popped out my eyes first. Instead, I saw a few people who were obviously training for something, and most looked like me. I also saw some older people there and some teenagers.

For right now, I just got the membership for myself, but I may add Tom and CJ if Tom can find time in his schedule. One benefit of being able to work from home is it gives me some more flexibility in going for a workout before starting my workday. Hopefully, I can get the approvals needed this year to work from home all the time, which would mean I could go every day before work without getting up before dawn.

So, I've gone and done it, and I start work tomorrow on meeting my goals. I just wish finding a sports bra in my size was as easy.

Hold On

So today I went to the grocery store to take advantage of some meat sales, restock the pantry, and replenish my wine supply. I went to a cashier I hadn't seen before. Big mistake.

She's scanning my groceries and she says to me, "Has anyone ever told you you look just like that lady?"

I chuckle, "Not exactly. Depends on the lady."

"I don't know her name. She used to sing, and she had gastric bypass surgery on the internet. Her dad was a Beach Boy, I think."

I realize she's talking about Carnie Wilson, and say as much. The cashier replies, "Yeah, I think that's her name. Anyway you look JUST like her--after she got the bypass surgery, but before she got really skinny."

It is not often I find myself truly speechless. Those who know me know I like to talk, and usually have some snappy retort for almost anything--it's like a compulsion. I honestly did not know how to reply to this woman. Carnie Wilson? On what planet is that a compliment, honestly? ESPECIALLY since she clarified that it was before Carnie reached her target weight, so the implication that I'm fat--really fat--is pretty blatant. And this cashier wasn't some skinny stupid bimbo--she was bigger than me, and told me that she was getting lap band surgery herself, once she quits smoking.

Then I'm almost positive she said, "Quitting smoking is, like, *so* hard. Much harder than when I quit smoking crack."

Again, I was speechless. Twice in about 30 seconds--that's some kind of record! This woman is my conversational Kryptonite. Now, she talked really quickly and maybe the crack comment was more hypothetical and not an actual anecdote, but still. Yikes!

I suppose it could have been worse. She could have told me I looked like Rosie O'Donnell or Mama Cass or the mother from What's Eating Gilbert Grape. She could have told me I looked like one of the motorcycle twins from the Guinness Book of World Records.

She could have just said, "Wow! You're fat!" Maybe then I would have had some sort of response other than a shocked, stupid grin.

The funny part is I was just thinking last night of taking advantage of an employee offer and joining a local gym at a discounted rate. I figured since I plan to quit smoking by Groundhog Day (seems like a good day), I could use the savings on smokes to pay for the gym. This very uncouth woman solidified my intentions--I am going to tomorrow to check it out and sign up for membership. I suppose that's a good thing.

Carnie Wilson? Honestly?!? Excuse me while I go sulk for a while.

New Blog, New Year, New Post

OK, so the blog isn't really new--I just finally got an option to upgrade to the new Google Blog. And it isn't the new year yet, as there's still another day to go. But this IS a new post, and that should count for something, right?

I've been tagged by Jenn, so I'll get this done now--I am supposed to:
1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book & the author.
3. Turn to page 123.
4. Go to the fifth sentence on the page. Copy out the next three sentences and post to your blog.
5. Tag three more folks.

OK, I have bookshelves above my desk, so there are quite a few books. I'm selecting the one I can grab with the least effort, which happens to be Polgara the Sorceress by David and Leigh Eddings. Now, Polgara has been sitting where Belgarath the Sorcerer would normally sit, but Belgarath was lost some time ago and I've been waiting patiently for the old wolf to wander back. I'm guessing he got caught up with some drinking, or running with the golden eyed wolf in the Vale, so I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway, Polgara is a prequel, of sorts, telling of her life before the events in the Belgariad and the Mallorean. I got hooked on them a lifetime ago--and I don't think I ever properly said thank you, so thank you. Anyway, here's the selection:

"A very close examination of my reflection didn't reveal any wrinkles, though--at least, not yet.

The four of us spent about ten years--or maybe it was only nine--concentrating our full attention on the Darine Codex, and then the Master sent father to Tolnedra to see to the business of linking the Borune family with the Dryads. Father's use of chocolate to persuade the Dryad Princess Xoria to go along with the notion has always struck me as more than a little immoral."

There is a joke in there that's really funny if you have read the series before. Otherwise, that passage seems a bit strange. But no worries! If you want to understand, there are only five books in each series! Time to get cracking!

As for tagging someone else, I'll pass. If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged.

We're coming down from the holidays and vacation is nearing its end for Tom. We got the big boy furniture for CJ and the new sectional for the living room on Wednesday, and we're very pleased with everything. Tom and I have been cleaning the whole house to address our storage issues and toss out some junk. For a brief moment on Thursday, I had a completely clean kitchen--all dishes and counters clean. Then I blinked and the moment passed. Tonight we're staying home since Tom and I aren't fond of going out on "Amateur Night". I did give him a barware set for Christmas, so I may have him break it out and use it. CJ checks under the Christmas tree occasionally, looking for more presents. I think he'll understand things a bit better next year. All in all, it's been a great week and I've really enjoyed the time with my family.

CJ's Second Birthday

Christmas time is very busy for us this year, since CJ's birthday is a week before it (aw, my little tax break baby!). Tom's birthday is also close to the holidays, so we're making a concerted effort to make sure CJ has a separate birthday and separate Christmas, and not blend the two together.

Of course, I still get to shop the same sales, but that's beside the point.

So Tuesday was the big day for my big boy, and he got to stay home with Mommy because he had a cold. He's been home with my all week because of that cold, and now Mommy has it. Anyway, Tuesday morning we greeted him with Happy Birthday! He played on his own very well while I got some work done, then my friend Jay came over around 4, bearing grande mocha frapuccinos. Jay kept CJ entertained and chatted with me while I tidied my kitchen and began baking CJ's birthday cake. I made a spice cake with cream cheese icing from a recipe in my Better Homes and Gardens red plaid cookbook from 2000 (but I can post it for Jenn later). Jay finished the icing while I started dinner--spaghetti and meat sauce, one of CJ's favorites. Tom and Erik arrived shortly before dinner, and we all sat around the table.

CJ really likes Jay and Erik. I think he might have a crush on Jay, because he always grins at her and acts on his best behavior until she makes a funny face at him and then he cracks up. Erik is very tall, and CJ is fascinated by that--he leans his head way back to stare at Erik, then later will make faces to make Erik smile.

After dinner was singing and cake, and we had a brief moment of panic when CJ tried to put out the candle with his hand instead of by blowing. He was successful--but most importantly, no blisters or other injury. He was VERY surprised, though--I think touching the candle flame definitely did not feel good. After cake, Tom brought out the presents I wrapped earlier in the day.

I hope we're not spoiling him too much! He got lots of coloring stuff, a couple books, an art desk for keeping his crayons and papers, a little golf set, a new pirate playset, and his favorite gift from Jay and Erik--Pirate Potato Head! It's a giant Potato Head filled with 4 smaller potato heads and all the pieces are pirate/see themed. We all played with this one! Erik and created what we called the Pirates of Dr. Moreau while CJ clapped and approved or everyone. Then he took one and repeatedly held it up for Erik, made it dance, then giggled to himself before doing it again.

So, my little boy had a fantastic birthday and we've had a blast playing this week. I'm now on vacation starting today, so no more work for me until January! I'm really excited about Christmas--we have a naked tree we need to decorate (but it smells wonderful!) and I can't wait to see how much CJ will love Christmas morning after seeing how much he enjoyed his birthday!

Christmas List

Alrighty, I guess it's my turn.

1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Tom and I wrap all the presents, but all the ones for Christopher are marked, "From Santa".

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Colored lights for both.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, I get and give plenty of kisses.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
It varies. We've had a couple years where we didn't put any up. A few years ago, Tom had to work on Christmas Eve and we hadn't gotten a tree or anything, so while he was at work, I put up old Christmas cards and strung lights and hung stockings as a surprise. Last year, we didn't decorate the tree till Christmas Eve after putting CJ to bed--he loved it on Christmas morning.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
I don't have a whole lot of background on tradition. Some years, Tom and I open a bottle of wine and eat grapes, cheese, and crackers while listening to Christmas music. That's always good. I can't think of a specific dish.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
I don't have any. I used to enjoy going to church with the Clan. Opening it up to the whole Holiday season, I loved Granny;s New Year's Eve parties and I miss those greatly.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
When I was really young and from the Jehovah's Witnesses. I don't remember ever believing in Santa Claus.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Yes, one each. Previous years, our friend Candi has celebrated with us, and we've always made sure she had a present under the tree from us for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This is our first Christmas without her, and that makes me sad.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
A couple strings of lights, some glass balls, some painted decorations, and other ornaments we've received over the years.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it, and miss it.

12. Can you ice skate?
Once upon a time before my center of gravity shifted.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
A mini-disc player I didn't even know I wanted or existed. I still use it almost every day at work.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Family.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
I don't really have one. I've started baking spice cakes for CJ's birthday (right before CHristmas) so I'll go with that.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
I like filling up the stockings--ones for me, Tom, each cat, and now CJ.

17. What tops your tree?
Previous years, nothing, or a Santa hat. This year, Tom got a color changing star for the top. Since CJ is currently obsessed with stars, I think he'll like it very much.

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
I'm uncomfortable with both since I haven't done it very long. I think I like them both equally, but they both stress me a bit--I'm never sure if I got the right gift to give someone, and I'm never sure I've properly thanked the giver when it's something I really like.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
O Holy Night--sung by David. I miss that a lot. I wish I could have it on CD to play every Christmas Eve.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yum--but only the peppermint ones. Cherry ones are disgusting.

21. Favorite Christmas movie?
A Christmas Story, Elf, and Bad Santa.

22. What do you leave for Santa?
Nothing. I'm a bad girl.

In a Pickle

Yesterday, I talked to Jenn while I was upset about something. I won't be going into those details anytime soon, but suffice to say Jenn was the PERFECT person to talk to about it.

Anyway, in an attempt to cheer me up, Jenn asked me if I knew pickles were evil. I was puzzled--I love pickles, always have. During the first few months of my pregnancy I ate a gallon of pickles a week! So I got to thinking about it, and I think she's absolutely wrong.

See, pickles are cucumbers soaked in brine, and brine contains large volumes of salt. Salt was very important before refrigeration for preserving foods, including meats, and in Roman times, soldiers were paid in salt (hence the word "salary"). In modern times, salt was infused with iodine to keep people from developing goiters, and it's been shown that the complexity of salt's composition amplifies a variety of flavors, making the taste more intense than if the food is eaten unseasoned. Salt is used in many recipes, including baking, for this reason.

Cucumbers grow from tiny seeds sown in the earth and can be harvested in a short period of time—two months from planting. Cucumbers contain potassium, which helps regulate blood pressure and prevent muscle cramps. They are rich in fiber and are useful in cooling and relieving tired eyes.

Matthew 5:13 refers to Christians as the "salt of the earth", inferring that their faith was necessary to "season" the world and make it a better place to live. The "salt" they provided through their faith and actions would turn their communities into havens of morality, goodwill, and worship, and without their faith, the earth would be worth nothing.

Going back to salt and its benefits, goiters were a big public health problem until it was determined that iodine helped thyroid health and improves thyroid function. Certain vegetables, like broccoli and cauliflower, are cruciferous vegetables, and they impede the absorption of thyroid hormone within the body. Those who are hypothyroid (like me) cannot eat broccoli or cauliflower while taking synthetic thyroid hormone or else the synthetic hormone will not be absorbed and the thyroid will continue to malfunction. Eating foods with iodized salt, like pickles, helps preserve the malfunctioning thyroid while allowing the body to use the synthetic hormone as replacement for the hormone that the body does not produce. Proper thyroid function is critical for humans—the thyroid governs the body’s metabolism, determining mood, energy levels, hunger, calorie burning, digestion, and reproduction in women.

See, if the thyroid is imbalanced, a woman’s body chemistry will go awry, changing her estrogen production. Ovulation reduces and the natural cycle lengthens and becomes irregular, making it hard for the woman to conceive. So proper thyroid function is essential for women to be fruitful and multiply!

You can see now, absolutely clearly, that pickles are certainly NOT the evil fruit from the Tree of Knowledge to be avoided by all costs. Pickles are manna from Heaven, filled with potassium and iodine, giving us the essential building blocks we need to carry out good deeds, avoid gluttony, and produce new generations. Pickles are a tangible manifestation of “the salt of the earth”.

Because of its ability to impede thyroid function and reproduction, it is also clear that BROCCOLI is the true fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, and should be avoided at all costs.

I've Been a Little Listless

Luckily, Suze started this one and Jenn picked it up--so it's my turn!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Dude, I need to brush my hair.
2. How much cash do you have on you? About $30.

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?” Four.

4. Favorite planet? Pluto. I don't care what those scientists say. Take away Pluto, and My Very Elderly Mother Just Served Us Nine nothings.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? A number I don't recognize. I get a lot of drunk dialing, so some reason.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? I don't have one since I'm stupid about downloading ringtones. Tom has his phone programmed to play "Birdhouse in your Soul" when I call!

7. What shirt are you wearing? A brown/grey t-shirt that has Mr. Owl and the Tootsie Pop Kid and asks, "Mr. Owl, How many licks does it take?"

8. Do you “label” yourself?I would if I had one of those DynaLabels from when I was a kid. Maybe I should get a Brother P-Touch, and label everything in my house like some OCD freak--wait. I read this wrong. Sorry, pseudogeek.

9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing? Sketchers. A comfy brown pair I bought on the Cape.

10. Bright or Dark Room?Dark.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you? I think she has an amazing will despite everything she's gone through and I wish I could bottle her so I could drink her and absorb some of that. She'd have a greater kick than Ale-8, but not as flat tasting.

12. What does your watch look like? I don't wear one. My last watch had the battery die, and I never replaced it.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?Sleeping, until I had to get up to go pee and have a drink of water.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? My bill is ready for my review and payment.

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?The only one I know of is 32 miles away, near where I used to work.

16. What’s a word that you say a lot? No. (I have a 2 year old, give me a break!)

17. Who told you he/she loved you last? Tom.

18. Last furry thing you touched? My cat, Zeke.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, Nasonex, and Synthroid. So, five. Not so far gone I can't count.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?None! For a change.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? 28-29. I was 28 when I got married and got pregnant and 29 when I had my son.

22. Your worst enemy?Me. And Syndrome.

23. What is your current desktop picture? Random cute picture of CJ--home and work.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "How many lushes do we have in this crowd?" Said to our admin, while we were deciding if we should bring wine to our lunch event today.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?Million bucks. I can buy first class tickets, then. Actually, I could buy a house back East within driving distance and not have to fly again!

26. Do you like someone? I'm married--I'm supposed to like him, right?

27. The last song you listened to? I had to laugh at Jenn's answer of White and Nerdy, because it's the answer for me, too. I listened to It's All About the Pentiums right before that.

28. What time of day were you born?1:17pm

29. What’s your favorite number? the square root of 1764.

30. Where did you live in 1987? BFE. Almost literally.

31. Are you jealous of anyone? No, not that I can think of.

32. Is anyone jealous of you? Lindsey Lohan.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? At home, nursing a horrible headache.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?Pound the buttons a couple more times, a little harder, then I curse.

35. Do you consider yourself kind? I try to be. I'm as philanthropic as a misanthrope can be.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? I'm trying to imagine the circumstances in which I *had* to get a tattoo. Like, if the Democrats really went nuts and enacted some law that we all must have an American flag tattooed on us to prove our patriotism and act as a national ID card. I'd get mine on my ass--that way, any time I had to show papers to an official, I'd moon them. "License, insurance, and registration, ma'am." "Sure, officer!" Ziiiiip!

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Spanish. Maybe Italian. I'm a sucker for Italian, like Wanda.

38. Would you move for the person you loved?Absolutely.

39. Are you touchy feely?Yes. But only with certain people. If you're not one of those people, don't touch me. If you are one of those people, you'll know, since I'll likely touch you first.

40. What’s your life motto? I've never really thought of a motto for life. I just live it.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times? A pen, my glasses, and those little mite-things that live on your eyebrows.

42. What’s your favorite town/city?Brewster, MA. No question.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? A hot dog and a soda at Costco on Saturday.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? I can't remember. I write lots of letters, but never mail them.

45. Can you change the oil on a car? I used to be able to, but not anymore. I used to able to change a battery, too, until the car manufacturers started putting that bar across the battery to support the frame--I don't have a wrench that can fit those bolts. So now I have AAA.

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?While not technically the *last* thing I heard about him, he cut off his mullet. That's noteworthy.


47. How far back do you know about your ancestry? I know back to my grandparents on each side, but that's it. I know that I am Scotch, Irish, Welsh, and Cherokee, which means you don't want to be around me if I go on a bender.

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? I wore a sapphire blue dress, had my hair and makeup done at Regis salon, and got a french manicure. I have never been so fancy in my life, but it was my wedding day.

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?My shoulder. I slept on it funny.

50. Have you been burned by love? Once or twice, but it doesn't matter now.

Post Election Thoughts

I started to respond to a comment earlier in response to some Arizona election results, and I thought I might take it to a post. Skip or read, it's up to you.

I am extremely dismayed by the measures brought to Arizonans this year on immigration, and even more dismayed that they passed. The immigration "crisis" is not what it is cracked up to be. Before working for my current company, I worked for a check cashing place, cashing payroll and personal checks, doing payday loans, and sending Moneygrams (I think Moneygram got bought out by Western Union long ago, so that may date me). I cashed many checks for Mexicans in the Valley and I saw my share of green cards. I maybe saw one valid green card. Most of the others were fakes and easily noticeable as fakes, but I accepted them if I could verify residence and employment (as did my coworkers, and as did just about any other employer). My point is that the majority of immigrants living in Arizona are not working for low wages and taking cash under the table. They are trying to become citizens and become legal; they use these forged green cards to gain regular jobs at minimum wage or above, they pay taxes, they pay Social Security, just like I do. Many of my customers were laborers and I saw their advice stubs; I know they were paid fairly for their work and contributed to the government. I know many of them had fake Social Security numbers, but not for identity theft--again, it was to add the element of legality to their lives.

I'm not saying that there isn't a problem with illegal immigrants working for cash without legit status--I know it happens. But it doesn't happen as much as Republicans would make you think it does, and despite common belief, not every Hispanic person in Arizona is here illegally. I think from an economical standpoint, one reason for the backlash is the amount of money sent from Arizona to Mexico. Most of the paychecks I cashed were turned into wire transfers to families back home. Moneygram catered to this, offering $300 transfers for only $10 (domestic fee for $300 was $30). I would have customers come to me with 3-4 different transfer orders for $300, all going to the same place. If that money was going back into our state's economy, I doubt anyone would have a problem with that.

One proposition we had on the ballot was raising the minimum wage, which passed. Opponents of this proposition claimed this would increase the amount of illegal immigration because our jobs would pay more than those in Texas and California--a bit contradictory, if you ask me. If these same opponents argue that most immigrants are working off the grid, how can they be employed in these higher wage jobs? The argument can't go both ways.

One last word about immigration--it is very dangerous for Mexicans to cross the deserts to get here, but not until those yahoos went down and started acting above the law and intimidating any Latino they saw. People used to leave water stations in the desert for those crossing, but don't dare to now. Coyote smuggling is increasing because the risks are higher--not from the elements, but from Barney Fife wannabes with more bullets and less brains. We don't need a wall across the Sonoran Desert to protect us from the Mexicans, we need protection from the Minutemen. Maybe I sound soft, but I believe most Mexicans coming here want a better life for their families, better opportunities for their children, ways to escape the corruption in the Mexican government, and many have family ties here already. I wouldn't be here if my ancestors hadn't made the trip from the British Isles, and I know how Irishmen were treated at the turn of the century. Mexicans are the 21st century Irish, and that just isn't right. Give those who are here and gainfully employed amnesty, give those who are here are working under the table the means to establish legal status, and figure out a program to help those who want to come. Stop talking about building a wall and start talking about building a community.

From one disenfranchised group to another--what the hell is going on in this country that people are actively trying to take away rights from other people based solely on what they do in their bedrooms? Why is gay marriage such a threat to the American family? Despite the facetious comment I left on Suze's blog, it's not like we're being forced to be gay or marry a lesbian--we simply have a group of people who want to same basic rights afforded to them as are afforded to most. Here's a newsflash--less than half the families in America today are happily married couples with their natural children. There are gay parents, single parents, divorced parents, adopted kids, in vitro kids, blended families, cohabitating couples--the threat to the American family isn't gay marriage but a narrow-minded view on what makes a family. Families are created out of love, pure and simple, and biological equations are meaningless beyond that. Want to save the sanctity of marriage? Ban divorce. Make it harder to obtain a divorce or an annulment and maybe then people will stop looking at marriage as a means of vetting a relationship that isn't really going to last. Understand that marriage can be difficult, requires commitment, and can take some work from both parties and preserve your union with that understanding; stop attacking others because they sleep with partners of same sex. Love is love, commitment is commitment--let gay couples have the same rights as married couples because they deserve those rights and they, as American citizens, have the right to be treated fairly.

Lastly, the Democrats have secured the House and may even pick up the Senate once the counting in Virginia and Montana is done. Howard Dean, listen up--the people of this country have indicated to you and your party that they are tired of the War in Iraq, tired of government corruption, and tired of childish actions and partisan politics. Here's what your party, under your leadership, need to do from here:

• Balance the budget. Give it to Bush to sign. If he doesn't, seize that opportunity to show you have tried and he refuses and use that momentum to pick up more seats in 2008.
• Open investigations into the Iraq intelligence that led us into war. Keep the doors open on this one--show the American people that truth is important, regardless of how messy it may be.
• Enact legislation to bring lobbying back into check and severely limit the favors a Congressman can receive from lobbyists. Bring the power back into the legislature and away from the corporations.
• Begin urgently, intelligently, looking into alternatives to fossil fuel comsumption for energy. research the alternatives, draft proposals, and do something before it's too late.
• Do not use this opportunity to punish Republicans for their lousy treatment of Democrats over the past six years. Don't close Republicans out of meetings, dump bills on them hours before vote, stick them in broom closets and janitor closets to conduct business as they did you. They will take those actions and use them to gain traction to supplant you again in 2008. Instead, drop the Valerie Plame leak--it's old news. Try to gain some support for your social programs. Ask for their help in drafting an exit strategy for Iraq. Keep them involved in discussion, make them feel like they are part of this government. Not all Republicans are as corrupt as the highest ranking in power; some of these people mean well and will need your guidance, not your vengeance.
• Lastly, when the time comes that Democrats face a scandal (which will happen, you are all politicians in Washington, after all), don't hide behind talking points and insult our intelligence with Jedi mind tricks. Own up to it, take the necessary actions to purge those who are responsible, and move on the greater heights.

OK, I think I'm done. I feel better for having gotten that out.

I've Got to Get Out of This State

And find a place in the Poconos....

Early results are in, and I am astounded by the stupidity of most of my fellow citizens. Arizona had nearly a dozen propositions on the ballot for this election, and I'm dismayed by the early results I see:

Prop 100, which would deny bail to any illegal immigrant arrested for a felony--Currently passing with 77% favor. (Update: Passed, 78-22)
The problem with this proposition is that it's a blanket denial on one group, paving the way to deny bail legally to other groups. Today, the target is illegal immigrants. Tomorrow, the target could be sex offenders, drug dealers, pot smokers--anyone against the norm.

Prop 102, which would deny illegal immigrants the right to punitive damages from a lawsuit--Currently passing at 74% (Update: Passed 75-25)
Again, blanket disenfranchisement of a particular group, paving the way to enact similar legislation against any other group. And I could be wrong, but I don't think illegal immigrants have turned to torts as a money-making opportunity as the proponents of this proposition would have us believe.

Prop 103, which would declare English the official state language--74% in favor. (Update: Passed 75-25)
Thanks to this wonderful proposition, our state workers will no longer have to be bilingual, and government paperwork will only be in English. Currently, we keep paperwork available in over 200 languages to accommodate all people in AZ. Yeah, this won't cause any issues at all.

Prop 107, which would amend the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage and civil unions (already illegal in AZ)--failing at 51%, which is way too close for my comfort. (Update: FAILED, 51-49. Narrow, but I'll take it as some small sign of sanity.)
The way this wonderful proposition is worded, not only would marriage be defined narrowly, but the State of Arizona would not be able to provide domestic partner benefits to state workers, their partners, or children of those unions (which the state does today). It's also poorly written, meaning that heterosexual couples who live together but are not married might not be able to get state health insurance for their children. Insane, and did I mention we already have a law on the books making same-sex marriage illegal? Redundancy at its finest (and most evil).

Prop 300, which limits education services to illegal immigrants AND their children--passing at 71% (Update: Passed, 72-28. This one proves most did not pay attention in civics class)
Children of illegal immigrants, who reside in AZ, would not be able to attend state universities on in-state tuition rates. This one is the worst in my opinion, since said child, if born in AZ, would be a US citizen but still denied in-state status. Let me repeat that--a CITIZEN of the UNITED STATES, born in this country and given citizenship under our country's CONSTITUTION would be denied in-state rates and possible educational opportunity based on the immigration status of his/her parents.

I'm most disappointed by the raging xenophobia and hatred that permeates these propositions. I'm sick that the people of Arizona bought the arguments of straw and voted in support. Trust me, I am very, very interested in real estate deals back East, especially New England. We're looking at Vermont, but maybe we should go to New Hampshire.

Live Free or Die, indeed.

EDIT: I updated this post on 11/8 with the percentages available from AZ's election results site. A few weeks ago, a astudy was released that ranked Arizona 50th in the US in terms of intelligence--that's right, I live in the dumbest state in the Union. After these election results, I believe it.

Four Day Weekend!

I just shut down the laptop and packed it up--I'm not touching it again till Tuesday morning. I have a four day weekend for no real reason, and I like it that way. It's been a tough couple weeks, and it'll just continue through the rest of the year. This is my little break till Thanksgiving, and after that, it's bulling through till my end of year break.

In the meantime, I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for a much overdue checkup, probably getting blood drawn, and maybe going to lunch with Jay. I'm talking to Tom tonight about a honey-do list to get a few things done, and I plan to enjoy the weekend with CJ. He's going to daycare tomorrow, but I might keep him home with me for a Mommy Day on Monday depending on how things go.

That's about it. Maybe I'll have more after the weekend.

When You Thought It Was Safe to Answer Your Door

Knowing how much Everett loves the Mormons, I had to post about the recent Watchtower tract wedged in my door while we were away. The title is, The End of False Religion is Near!, and it has to be the strongest piece of Jehovah's Witness literature I've ever seen. I'm tempted to scribe it word-for-word since I could not find a copy of it on WatchTower.org, but I have determined it's part of a month long campaign for the Witnesses; you may receive a copy of it soon if you haven't already.

The reason I say it's the strongest piece of literature I've seen is because this tract comes close to outright stating that modern Christianity of any demonination is false religion, souring politics and paving the way for Armageddon. It asks questions to determine what is false religion and gives deliberately vague, thinly veiled examples that are easy to recognize without qualifying as libel. A few examples:

1. By teaching the concept of souls going to Heaven after death, churches are practicing false religion by going against Christ's statements that the dead will be resurrected.
2. Jesus Christ is referred to as "a widely respected religious figure".
3. Church groups that ordain homosexuals as clergy members or condone child molestation by religious leaders are practicing false religion.
4. The harlot spoken of in Revelation is false religion. The beast with seven heads and ten horns represents the world's political leaders who listen to the harlot and use false religion to justify their actions.
5. Eventually, the "rotten tree" of false religion will be struck down by the beast upon God's instruction.

The solution? Call a Kingdom Hall and ask the Witnesses to show you how to escape false religion through their instruction in the Scripture.

Some of you may know that I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. Mom met some in G-town when I was two, and she liked their message. I went with her to the Kingdom Hall in town and participated in the Bible studies at our apartment or at an elder's house. I read the materials, but had too many questions. By the time I was 8, I began to realize there were some problems when the elders couldn't answer the questions I had about calculating the rings on one of the Cedars of Lebanon, or about the Trinity, or the missing references to Jehovah in the Holy Scripture, or about the 144,000 people from the 12 tribes who would go to Heaven after Armageddon. Eventually, I went only to the Nisan 14 services under protest, and finally stopped going when I was 12.

I find it very interesting that the Witnesses are proclaiming themselves so strongly that they are the true religion--they always have, but not by blatently attacking Christianity as they do in this pamphlet. I learned during my time at G-town Baptist that the Southern Baptist Convention considers them a cult because they have a different translation of the Scripture and use supplemental books to teach about their faith. Irony? Maybe.

Another reason I found the tract interesting is it made me ponder my world view based on what I learned in childhood. Halloween has really stemmed this thought wave for me, and it's similar to what I went through last Christmas. See, Witnesses do not pledge allegiance to the U.S. flag or celebrate birthdays because they see it as putting a false idol or oneself above God. Witnesses don't celebrate common holidays, like Christmas, Halloween, or Easter, because the modern celebrations are based in pagan rituals. As a child, when my classes had holiday or birthday parties, I went to the principal's office and sat in the quiet tolerance of the secretary at his desk, drawing on copy paper. I didn't dress up for Halloween. I didn't meet Santa Claus. I didn't believe in the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. No chocolate bunnies, marshmallow Peeps, or stockings filled with fruit and candy canes for me. The closest day I had to Christmas was when Mom brought home the layaway box from Sears with our back to school clothes.

Last Christmas, we made a concerted effort to make sure CJ had a separate birthday and Christmas because of their proximity to each other. I dove into making a birthday cake and buying birthday toys whole-heartedly, but struggled with Christmas. As beautiful a sight as our trimmed tree with presents beneath was, I felt a faint pang of guilt, as if I were wrong in having it. I still haven't decided about Santa. I'm leaning toward teaching CJ that Santa is a personification of goodwill towards others, not a separate being, but I don't want calls from angry parents because my kid told their kid Santa ain't real. This Halloween, I was relieved that CJ's daycare has banned costumes as it means no one will have the experience I had of being the only kid who didn't dress up.

Don't even ask me where I stand on the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. I haven't gotten that far.

Because Witnesses do not believe in the concept of the Trinity, and this was drilled into my head at an early age, I don't believe in the concept that 1=3. To me, the Bible is mainly a collection of creation myths and attempts to explain fantastic phenomena beyond human comprehension at the time, and a way of defining a purpose because people need some sense of purpose. In my personal worldview, I confess I take things a step further and do not believe that Jesus Christ was the literal Son of God. I believe Christ was an exceptional man, very wise and compassionate for his time, who taught great concepts that should be followed. I don't know if Christ thought he really was the Son of God, but I believe that he was certain his death would cleanse the sins of mankind, as God said. Despite my doubts of Jesus' divinity, I accept my salvation without reservation--as I see it, God said it, Jesus believed it, and since we have no proof when it comes to religion, the intent is good enough for me. I'm not comfortable calling myself a Christian, though, because I don't follow the Old Testament, and really only follow what Jesus is recorded as saying in the Gospels themselves--love your neighbors, help the poor and sick, keep the government out of the churches and the churches out of the government, don't judge. Those are my basic morals, and I really don't care what food I should or shouldn't eat, who sleeps with whom, what days I should sit in a tent in my backyard, or whether or not I'm completely righteous and everyone else is going to Hell. I don't even believe in Hell!

As you can imagine, I've been thinking about these things a lot since Christopher was born. While I would rather not taint him with my unorthodox way of thinking, I know the questions will eventually come. While I would like for him to learn about God and the basic stories of my youth, I don't want his knowledge coming from propaganda or from politicized churches spouting judgement and hate in their proclamations of God's Word and Love. I want him to have an open mind about other religions and cultures, but not so open that he becomes lost and doesn't know what to believe--or becomes so open that he accepts any old doctrine that comes along without looking at things from a critical point of view.

This parenting stuff is hard. Forget about diapers, meals, and the constant supervision. That stuff is easy compared to these thoughts keeping me up at night while my baby soundly sleeps.

Wild Blue Yonder

This weekend the Thunderbird Balloon and Air Classic was held at Goodyear Airport, which is about a mile, mile and a half from my house. I've been hearing the Blue Angels since Thursday when they first flew in to practice. Rather than pay the ticket prices to see entertainment we didn't really care about, Jay and Erik and Tom and I decided to make a day of it.

Tom cleaned up the backyard yesterday and cleaned the grill, I cleaned my kitchen, and Jay and Erik brought lots of cow! I made a batch of CheezIt burgers and another batch of parmesan burgers (Jay's idea), got the hot dogs together, and Tom slapped them all on the grill. As we finished a late lunch, we watched a four-prop military plane of some sort fly around and then come straight for the house! He passed right over us at an altitude of about 200ft--right about the time I realized my camera was still inside!

After eating, we went behind our backyard to the street and sat in the shade of our yardwall so we could get a better view of the close-to-the-ground manuevers. Erik and I discussed the merits of developing and building a one-way view wall, like the mirrors in interrogation rooms on TV. CJ contented himself to playing with gravel, dirt, and dried leaves while we waited for the Blue Angels to start. According to the schedule they were supposed to start at 3pm, but we didn't see them until 3:30--apparently they have some runway stuff they do first before taking flight.

CJ loved the planes at first, as they were flying farther away and the sound of the jets wasn't as loud. Eventually, they came close enough that I could read "U.S. NAVY" painted in orange under the wings. At that point, the jet noise began to scare CJ, and I took him back into the house shortly before the show ended.

When we came back to the house, CJ wanted to go into the backyard, and we did, until he discovered the loud noises traveled there, too. We went back inside and cuddled for the rest of the show until Tom, Jay, and Erik came back. Since it was such a nice day, we had shut off the AC and opened all the windows; my cats went into hiding. Zeke was found right away but we didn't find Shadow until an hour after the Blue Angels had finished. I had checked all his usual hiding spots, then Tom checked, then Jay joined the search. While she and I were looking, I checked my kitchen cabinets again and sat down--that's when I spotted him, curled behind a charcoal grey pan the same color as his fur! That's why we named him Shadow!

Later, we had the rest of the burgers and watched Mythbusters while waiting for the fireworks finale. I gave CJ a bath to clean him up from his play with gravel, dirt, and dried leaves, and the fireworks started at 8:10, 20 minutes earlier than the night before. I took CJ outside, but it was past his bedtime and he didn't like the pops, so Tom took him in to bed. The fireworks lasted almost 20 minutes, and CJ was sound asleep when we went in to check on him.

All in all, it was a fantastic day! There will be another Blue Angels show today and then the airshow ends. I'm hoping that large plane flies over our house again--I have my camera ready for it! I got lots of pictures of Blue Angels doing cool things, and although they'll likely look like little dots on the photos, I'll post them in a few weeks when I get the pictures back.

I Have a Full Network!

My friend Jay has an awesome husband!

Months ago, I was talking about getting a new computer to replace my desktop that's still running Windows ME (no longer supported by Microsoft). He works with computers and networking, and without my knowledge, he began building me a new PC out of spare parts he had lying around. Jay had to let me know the plan a few weeks ago, after my keyboard died from water spilled on it, and I was planning to buy one.

Anyway, they came over today and he set up the new PC and networked it to our laptop and printer, THEN he networked everything to the old desktop so we can move files off it and turn it into a file server. I have a full network in my house now, and I'm not sure what to do with it, but it's way cool! Before, only the internet connection was shared, and I had to save drafts with my email for file sharing. Not anymore. And he replaced my keyboard, too, which was very nice of him.

I bought them lunch at Quiznos, since it was the least I can do, and I now have new ways of wasting my time on the weekends as I get files burned, sorted, and organized. This rocks!

Giving Birth to Athena

Since I didn't answer the phone when Jenn called yesterday, I thought I'd head off the singing at the pass.

I'm sick. Tom and I were both sick with stomach bugs last weekend, then the flu hit this week. It hit Tom about midweek, and I came down with it badly yesterday, despite my best efforts at fighting it off with tea, Airborne, and some homeopathic medicine called Oscillo-something that's supposed to lessen the impact and shorten the duration of flu symptoms. It may have worked, and if it did, that's scary. I had one of the worst headaches ever yesterday taking over my entire sinus cavity. Dude. Horrible! I don't know about the 1-10 scale of pain, but this one fluctuated between "Holy Sh!t." to "F*&k me!" most of the day. Combine that with the fever hovering around 102 despite fever reducers, and I was laid low.

Today, the headache has dialed down but has me scared. The fever is under 100, but not much. I'm waiting for everything to kick in, but we'll see how today goes. Yet another exciting, relaxing weekend in our household. Thank goodness CJ seems unaffected, judging by the amount of energy he's currently exerting tossing a hat around the living room.