It's raining here. Big fat steady drops falling from the sky. It rained this weekend, briefly, and CJ was fascinated by it.
When Jay and I were out on Saturday, she was telling me that her husband and his family were packing up his grandmother to go to Oregon with his mother. Grandma, at 92, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and has only six months left.
His mom thinks it will be easier to care for Grandma toward the end if she's with family. I said I wouldn't want to move--I'd only have six months left, and wouldn't want to make new friends. "Hi, nice to meet you! I'm dying!" So Jay asked me what I would do. I thought for a few moments and began this list:
- First, I'd go on long term disability from my company so I wouldn't have to work but could still make some of my salary.
- I'd make sure my affairs were in order and my family would be taken of after I'm gone.
- I'd hire a maid. Full time. No chef, since I love to cook, but I'd have a maid come in and do dishes and laundry. I don't want to spend the end of my life cleaning.
Then I thought a little further. I'd start writing letters. Scathing ones, telling people what I really think. I've only got a little of time, right? Why continue being polite about some of those things?
- I'd write that girl in 8th grade who made my life miserable by teasing me for having a crush on our 8th grade math teacher and tell her she was right, but she didn't have to be so nasty about it.
- I'd write Sandra Lee from Food Network and tell her she's a no talent bimbo without taste buds and I want to know who she slept with to get her show on every day after Paula Deen. That may seem harsh, but Sandra Lee's idea of "cooking" is to frost an Angel Food Cake for Hannukah after stuffing it with non-kosher marshmallows, then topping it with an 8 pointed Star of David fashioned out of faux pearls on wire. And no one will know it's not completely homemade! Ass.
- I'd write my Congressman and let him know what a jackass he is for screwing his constituents by voting against seniors' issues and taking money from Jack Abramoff.
- I'd write George Bush and enclose a copy of "English for Dummies".
- I'd find the address of the idiot who cut me off the other day trying to get into the turn lane for Wal-Mart and tell him I don't care how low the low, low prices are, use a freaking turn signal!
Then, to balance my karma, I'd write some nice letters:
- I'd write to my 8th grade math teacher and thank him for spending the extra time with me to teach me algebra and showing me what an inspiration good teachers could be.
- I'd write to Alton Brown and thank him for his show and teaching the science behind cooking and helping me understand recipes in a different way and enjoy feeding my family.
- I'd write to Paul Hackett and tell him better luck in Ohio next time. If he decides on a next time.
- I'd write to Jon Stewart and enclose a copy of my letter to George Bush.
- I'd write to my friend, the policeman, and tell him where to look if he needs to write some traffic tickets.
After all that is done, I'd enjoy the rest of my moments with my husband and son, relieved that I got some of that out.
25 comments:
Okay, so this is a pretty macabre post. If I only had six months left to live, I would make sure to tell everyone I cared about that I love them. Then I would tell them I want an Irish wake, not a funeral. I want people to remember me with laughter.
Hey, sistah, you're a lot younger than most of those people, so they'll probably be dead before you start to go, so you better start writing letters now.
oH. I almost forgot. I was thinking about you not liking to clean...have you ever visited Flylady's website? Flylady.net She's got really good ideas for people who don't like to clean. I tried one yesterday. It might sound gross, but after I was done washing myself with my bodywash on my bath scrubby thing, while i was still in teh shower, I used it to wipe down my shower walls and fixtures and the tub. I bet it took me a whole minute. Then i rinsed off the scrubby thing, and i'll use it to wash myself today again. and the other thing she does to keep her bathroom clean is, when she goes to the bathroom in the morning, she does a quick "swish and swipe," where she just swishes some cleaner around the toilet, and uses a paper towel adn some windex on her sink and counter top. (but if your husband is like mine, you also have to swipe the top of the bowl), so every day, if somebody happens to come by, she knows her bathroom's clean.
she's got a yahoo group where she sends daily little reminders about the swish & swipe and shining your sink before you go to bed (just making sure the dishes are washed every night so you wake up to a shiny clean sink instead of a load of dirty dishes). And she sends testimonials.
My mom and I really like her. Mom and Daddy make the bed every morning (whoever gets up last), and mom washes the dishes every night. She's also been giving lots more stuff to goodwill. I think you'll like flylady.
Jenn, of course I would tell people I loved them. Jay and I have a sick sense of humor, so we found this funny. Of course, after the guy cut us off headed for the Wal-Mart (yeah, that really happened), we amused ourselves by yelling, "Rollback! Rollback! There's the little yellow bastard!" while the adrenaline rush subsided.
And Ann, I may have to check that out. Tom is much better at this stuff than me. I can do laundry, but I can't remember temperatures and settings and have to ask him every time. If I run the dishwasher, all the glasses come out spotty, even though I ran the disposal and put in the right amount of detergent. He has the clean thumb.
My thing on cleaning is if I wait too long, then try to clean up my kitchen, my ADD kicks in and I just see everything and get overwhelmed. I have a very hard time breaking it into small, simple tasks when I am struck by the wall.
Okay, I thought I wasn't going to comment on anything, but here's a hint: wash all (and I mean ALL) your clothes in cold water. Then you don't have to worry about what temperature. Now I'm through. Love you all.
Oh, that's the beauty of Flylady. She says to set a timer for 15 minutes, and then quit when it goes off!! Can you imagine? I tried it yesterday. I had an overwhelming task of rearranging the living room and sorting/organizing stuff laying all over tables and the floor, so I set the timer for 15 minutes (after having some coffee...i find a little caffiene does wonders for add). My timer, when set for 15, gives a little bee beep after 10. well, I had set my brain into intense focus mode, and suddenly realized my timer hadn't gone off yet, and I had gotten a lot done. So i checked, and it hadn't even been ten minutes yet.
yesterday's task was bigger than 15 minutes, but after a few 15 minute sessions, i decided to go read a book and get back to it later.
when you clean in little spurts instead of huge 3 hour sessions, you don't get so sick of it.
Oh, and by the way, you're very funny. :-)
I get sick of sideways smiley faces, don't yall? One time I was hand-writing a note and drew a sideways smiley face. That was dumb.
But don't you love those little round yellow right-side-up smiley faces? Maybe I'll send you a letter and decorate it with them.
Do you still have the address card I drew for you?
And I call remember if I told you, but your thank you card to us was the sweetest thing I ever read.
I have that card. It was a true work of art. And thanks for telling me that about the thank you note. It inspires me to write the rest of them. (I stink.)
Hey, Bec, my mom's advice about washing everything on cold has been some of the best advice I've received for cleaning. Geron doesn't seem to mind it at all. I also dry everything on low. I hate taking time to read tags and sort things into warm piles, hot piles, etc. My laundry gets done pretty fast, if I stay on it and don't get side tracked. Take her up on it! I can't tell a difference between the clothes the way I did it in college and the way I do it now.
Hey, old person. When are you leaving for the cape, and are you going to wear sandals with socks, or are you going to let your gnarly old toes show?
And speaking of Wal-Mart, the stepdad of one of my bridesmaids is a hoot. Every single time he goes to any Wal-Mart, when he walks through the doors, he says, at the top of his voice, in an exagerated accent, "This is the biggest Wale-Mart Ah've ever seen!!" (and he looks the part. he's a funny, funny man.)
(I have found myself saying the same thing in all seriousness before, and immediately know i'm a dork because of Beege's comedic insight.)
Okay, this has been eating me up all night (which I realize is ridiculous). Why did I say, "And he looks the part?" Actually, I would never typecast him as "stupid man," because you can clearly see his intelligence in his eyes, so he wouldn't be a good choice for that role. He sometimes dresses the part, and he can make funny faces. (Ah. I feel better now.)
This blog should be wearing tie-dye, as the posts are all very VERY OLD! I miss Becca!!!!!
me too me too
i'm getting tired of seeing my own comments on this blog more than i see new posts...
but i wanna keep leaving comments just in case she replies to them, or something.
Bec, are you busiy tie-dying lap blankets?
Becca has dashed off to the cape. So now her blog is very old! (Does that mean IT should be wearing tie-dye?)
(Sung to the tune of "Yesterday" by the Beatles):
Yesterday, all the bloggers had the time to play
Now it seems that they've all gone away
Oh how I miss, their blogging days
Suddenly, there's less blogging than there used to be
I'm reading re-runs of Reality
Oh their burnout came suddenly
Why they had to go I don't know, they will not write
They won't tell their news, got the blues, it isn't right
Yesterday, all sorts of topics seemed to come their way.
Now they're silent as the proverbial grave.
Oh how I miss their blogging days.
Blog, blog, blog, blog, blog, blog-blog!
I do believe that is my finest parody yet!
So doesn't anyone remember that Becca wasn't going to have internet access while she was gone? I do, and I have Old-Timer's Disease!
I know she doesn't have internet access. I just wanted her to have lots and lots of comments to wade through when she gets back. I'm sneaky that way!
Becca Boo! Where are you?!!?
Becca Bicca Boo, where are you? You've got a blog to write now.
Becca Bicca Boo, where are you?
We need some news from you now!
Come on Becca Boo, I know you
say you have no 'net there.
You're not fooling me, cause I've seen
the haiku you sent to Ann-girl.
You know we gotta hear some news of you so Becca Boo be ready there to write
Don't be uptight!
And Becca Boo if you come through you're gonna get yourself a mommy's night
Yep, that's right@
Becca Bicca Boo, where are you?
Acting like a big ol' beach bum
We wanna hear from you, Becca Boo
so we can pretend we had the same fun!
(This is, admittedly, not my best work. However, Jamie was watching a Scooby Doo marathon recently on Boomerang and the theme song was stuck in my head. I had to exorcise it somehow. And no, making it do jumping jacks would not have helped)
I know you're home!! (And I'm glad!)
I've said it before, but I'll say it again. If being old is the prerequisite for wearing tie-dye, your blog should be covered in it by now! PLEASE POST!!!!
Glad you're home!
You are home. How are we supposed to know it, if we don't read comments on other folks' blogs? Time to do something here, Becca, so the world can reconnect with you.
This blog entry is now 20 DAYS OLD!!! TIME FOR AN UPDATE, CHICK-A-DEE!
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